What Were You Saying?
by hazeltwist
Summary: Naruto has developed the ability to easily communicate with the demon locked inside of him. Perhaps a little too easily...
1. The River

**Author's Note:** Ahhh! It is I! Do any of yu remember me? Doubtful. I've been gone for almost... what, two years? -;; Well, it's ME! T-Sama, now known as Hazeltwist because T-Sama gets tiring.

Disclaimer: Naruto not mine. Which is safer for the world, really.

This is going to be a series of dialogues… no background, no explanation of actions, nothing but dialogue. Those who have already read them have told me they're good, but I'd love for all of yu to leave me your own opinions in comments and such.

-Takes place before the time skip, but at no specific point before then.

-Main characters: Naruto/Kyuubi.

-Kyuubi speaks in italics.

-Naruto speaks in unmarked text when talking to Kyuuib, and "" when speaking outloud to people.

-Side characters: Whoever else I feel like throwing in as it goes along.

**1. The River**

_Ahh, how nice. Lazy days, out on the bridge, sitting on the railing with your feet dangling above the water... idiot. Now we're soaked._

Well, how was I supposed to know Sasuke would push me in! That's not fair!

_It's your own fault, **dobe**, for being such an easy target. There's something real shinobi like to call 'defense'. Look it up in one of those scrolls your kind are so fond of._

Don't use that asshole's word! And hah! Shows how much you know. I don't read scrolls!

_Ah, finally, we find out the reason why It's a complete moron._

It's a moron? What's a moron?

_...Just get the hell out of the river already._

Fine, fine, but when I get out I'm gonna kick Sasuke's ass and force HIM into the water!

_And I'm going to sleep. I would rather not see the thing I'm forced to reside in beaten into a bloody pulp, no matter how entertaining it may be when you bleed._

Hey! I'm not gonna lose!

_Goodnight. Moron._


	2. The Hospital

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine, never was mine, and never be mine. So it is truth that life is cruel.

**2. The Hospital**

_Hmmm, where are we?_

EEEEE! Guh, wha-! Oh... it's you. Kuso, I told you not to startle me like that!

_Oh, shut up gaki, you complain too much… Heh, the inside of your head shrieks like a girl, did you know that?_

The inside of my...? Does not!

_Whatever. Where are we?_

Uhh... somewhere.

_Oh, how **nice**... I was always hoping we would come back here. Feh. Answer me, dobe!_

Fine, fine, shut up. We're... in the hospital.

Uh... are you there?

_…He beat the shit out of you, didn't he?_

Hey, he did not! Okay, I'm a little bit sore... and a few things may be broken... but I'm already recovering and I beat him just as bad! Even worse!

_Oh? And where is the Uchiha boy licking his wounds, I wonder?_

...Probably in his kitchen.

_You disgust me._


	3. LateNight Plots

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. He is the property of Misashi Kishimoto, that fantastic bastard.

**3. Late-night Plots**

Hey... hey, fox! Wake up!

_Nnn..._

Damn lazy fox, I said wake up already!

_Hn... what do you want? Shouldn't you be sleeping as well?_

No! I stayed up late so I could do this... I need your help! Can you make my eyes red and grow out my fangs and claws and junk, like when we fight together?

_...Why?_

Because I wanna scare the Old Lady!

_The current Hokage, you mean? Hmm... not that it doesn't sound like fun, scaring the supposed **most powerful ninja **in the village, but I'm still morosely curious as to your reasons._

Morus-... wha? Whatever, I wanna scare her because she gave us a stupid mission today! Even though we've done all the way up to B-rank missions, we got stuck with a **D**-rank today! I had to spend five hours helping some ancient old bag heave her ex-husbands stuff out of the house. The only fun part of the whole day was when she asked us to light it all on fire, but even that was ruined 'cause stupid Sasuke had to be a showoff with his stupid fireball technique. And anyway, we didn't deserve such boring work, so I wanna get back at her!

_Now you see, if I had been allowed to destroy you all, you wouldn't have to deal with 'old bags' like her. Or anyone, really._

Uh... yeah. So you'll do it?

_Heh, **dobe**. Fine, but it's not my fault if you scare her half to death and she sticks a kunai through your eye. Your death will only lead to my release, so it works for me either way._

Just shut up and do it already! You blab too much. And stop using that asshole's word!

_...I hope you bite your tongue open with your oversized fangs, you moron._


	4. The Hospital pt 2

Disclaimer: If Naruto was mine, I'd be richer than yu and I would gloat.

**4. The Hospital p.2**

_You really are a dobe._

Would you just STOP using his fucking WORD!

_Why should I? It annoys you, and it fits so nicely too. Only a blockhead like you could manage to land himself in the hospital twice in all of one week._

Well, my wound is just proof that I achieved my goal!

_Your goal? Oh, you mean barging into a fifty-year-old woman's office and scaring her half to death into thinking that a boy she cares about, for **God-only-knows **what reasons, was merging with the most powerful demon on Earth, which just so happens to be residing inside his useless, clumsy body? Way to go._

Don't make it sound so stupid! I was exacting my revenge!

_And then she exacted her revenge upon your ass._

Shut up! Her kunai got me in the upper thigh, and it doesn't even hurt that bad anymore. It's healing really fast!

_Thanks to me._

Hmph! I'm not thanking you for anything-- You're the one who got me into this mess!

_You asked. I warned you. Not my fault. But I will absolutely LOVE to see the expressions on the faces of the Uchiha boy and that foolish girl, when you come limping along with a second hole._

I told you, it's an honor wound!

_It's proof that you're as much of an ass as the one she ripped another opening in._

Grrr, shut your mouth and go cower in a corner of your cage, you stupid fox!

_…You're not worthy of me._


	5. The Anbu

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. I don't own it. Therefore I am unhappy. 

**5. The Anbu**

I'm bored.

_Shut up._

I get out of the hospital tomorrow morning.

_Shut up._

And then I have to meet Kakashi and Sasuke and Sakura-chan on the bridge.

_Shut up and let me sleep._

Hey look, it's not like I'm DYING to have a conversation with YOU. There's just no one else here.

_Oh gee, I wonder why. You would think people would be lining up outside your door to talk to you… at **midnight**._

Yeah… well the bandages are itchy. I just can't sleep.

_And apparently you're not going to let me, either. You do realize there's an ANBU officer outside your window, don't you?_

Wha-! There is not… wow, he really is waiting out there. Are the ANBU guarding me? But what for?

_Not the sharpest claw on the paw, are we? I can't believe you can't put two and two together, dobe. You burst into the **Hokage's **office pretending to have merged with a demon. You didn't think they would put a guard on you after that?_

Well… no. It was just a joke. But her, she probably thinks we really ARE merging… and we're not, of course.

_Heh. You think so._

I know so! It was just a joke, and now she probably thinks that we're getting too close.

_Ironic._

Grr, well I don't care if she wants the ANBU on me. He better be gone by morning!

_I'd get used to him lurking on the edges of your vision, gaki. I'm dangerous… oh so dangerous… and everyone seems to understand that except you. You'll be watched very heavily for a while, you can be sure._

Ugh, stupid Old Bat! I was JUST a JOKE!

_Can I go to sleep now?_


	6. On the Road

Disclaimer: Naruto, not mine. Damnit.

**6. On the Road**

"Um, Naruto? How much longer is that ANBU going to be following you?"

"Sakura-chan, why are you whispering? It's not like he cares you're talkin' about him."

"I don't want to sound rude! But still… he's been going on missions with us for two weeks now, and it's kind of distracting trying to work with him just… sitting there. Watching, you know? I mean, we're nothing compared to the ANBU. It just kind of feels like… he's analyzing us."

"He just has a staring problem."

_No, he's supposed to be watching you so you don't flip out and murder your teammates and such. Not that it'd be a horrible loss, of course._

Shut up, you!

_Except it would be a bit of a shame to lose that Uchiha boy. He's got some potential, that one._

Sasuke is a loser! Now shut up, I'm trying to pay attention to Sakura-chan.

_That foolish girl is a waste of flesh. I wouldn't even be bothered to kill her._

And you'll never get the chance. Now shut UP.

"…just hope he doesn't watch us while we're painting the old guy's house."

"Huh? Oh, right... Hmph, these D-rank missions suck! Why are we still getting only D-rank? We used to do B-rank and suddenly we're not good enough!"

"Narutooo, it's entirely your fault, so don't whine! Hokage-sama knows you hate these missions so she's using them to punish you. And I think putting you in your place is more important to her than the fact that Sasuke-kun and I are being forced to do them as well. Kakashi-sensei doesn't care, he just has more time now to read his dirty book."

"Well… well… I don't care! Superior ninja like me shouldn't be wasted on stupid chores!"

_Hah. Oh yea, very superior. Superior to what? Those miniscule, cowardly toads you conjure? I highly doubt it. They could take you._

SHUT UP! Damn fox, you don't know what you're talking about! I will be the most strongest ninja in the village, and I will become Hokage and have—

_Everyone acknowledge you, yeah yeah, we've all heard it. A lot. Sorry kid, but you will never match up to the bastard Hokage who sealed me in your foul, human body. He was a son of a bitch, but he was still greater than you will ever be, gaki._

Grr, YOU'LL SEE! I'll be way better than the Fourth, and Sandaime and Nidaime and even Ichidaime! And I'll be greater than the Old Hag for sure! You'll see, I'll be the greatest Hokage Konoha ever had!

_...nnn, wha? Oh, you were still speaking? Sorry, must have tuned you out._

…I hate you.

_And you're my **favorite** person in the whole world._

Bastard, I should just… "Sakura-chan, why are you snapping in my face?"

"Naruto, you've been spacing out a lot lately. Pay attention!"

_Idiot girl._

"Ah, ah, sorry! Must have… gotten distracted."

_I will slaughter you all one day._

"Yeah… I was distracted. Some things have gotten seriously distracting."

…


	7. The Fence

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi, or any other character involved with the manga/show. Because if I did, Kabuto wouldn't exist. And Orochimaru would be less of a pedophile. Actually, no, that's fun. He'd still be a pedophile.

**7. The Fence**

What are you doing?

_Hmm? I'm not doing anything._

Don't lie to me! My seal is burning. My seal only burns when I'm fighting with you.

_Oh, is that so?_

Yes, it is so! Tell me what you're… h-huh?

"AIIIEE!"

"Oh… crap…"

"NARUTO! What the hell was that for!"

W-why'd you do that? Why'd you take control of me! Sakura's going to kill me, you threw paint all ov—

"OW! Ahh, Sakura-chan, I didn't mean it!"

"Stop running, Narutoooo! I'm going to MURDER you!"

_Heh… all the more incentive for you to keep running, dobe._

Why did you d-do that?

_Don't trip on that root. And I did it because your monotonous work was boring me into another level of hell. That bastard teacher of yours has disappeared again, so why do you continue painting that hideous fence? At least I made things entertaining._

**Entertaining! **You didn't make anything entertaining! I'm going to be KILLED!

_If you even CAN be killed by that idiot girl, than you're an even worse shinobi than even I assumed. Oh, now isn't that funny? Look at your ANBU, watching you run for your life. He doesn't even realize. He probably just thinks you're an imbecile._

You're the imbecile! Now I have a kunoichi on my ass that wants to—

"I'm going to skin you the second I get my hands on you, you idiot!"

S-skin me… "Sakura-chan, it wasn't me! I mean, y-yes, it was me… I… I-I slipped!"

"SLIP THIS!"

"AHHHH—!"

_…Wow, for a stupid, lovesick girl she really knocked you one._

…

_…Dobe?_

…

_Naruto?_

…

_…you're fucking unconscious, aren't you?_


	8. The Hospital pt 3

Author's note: I promise yu all, this is the last hospital scene for a while. ;; And there's something yucky at the end, DON'T SKIP TO IT, but if yu read it and don't laugh, then you're a prude.

-Oh, and thank yu to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad this story is somewhat entertaining. And yes, it's under Humor/horror. Hmm... I wonder... XD

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. If it was, they would all wear much less clothing. The guys anyway.

**8. The Hospital pt. 3**

_You. Are. Unbelievable._

Don't even start.

_The hospital. Again. You deserve to have this place named after you, you spend enough time in it._

I'm not even hurt! Sakura just gave me a consuction and they're all weak whiney babies here and think I can't handle a little headache!

_It's_ concussion,_ you twit, and that's not what you have. Did you not notice the blood pouring out of that thick head of yours?_

Whatever. It's just a cut, nothing important! I'll be outta here in no time!

_You think so, do you? While your idiot brain was wandering off somewhere, I actually _listened _to your diagnosis. They think she may have cracked your skull open, and if that's the case even my healing powers won't get you out of here until Saturday._

B-but... it's TUESDAY! I can't stay here another four days, I'll go insane! And it's all YOUR fault!

_Is not. You don't dodge quickly enough, dobe._

I do too, but I was panicking! Sakura-chan's scary... and anyway, I'm NOT staying here until then, I'm sneaking out tonight! I'm a Ninja, and we specialize in stealth!

_Heh, well that suits me just fine. If you die in an alley somewhere I'll be released, so by all means, sneak out. I just hope that large, mustachioed, drill sergeant of a nurse doesn't catch you. She'd make a right ass of you... hmmm... actually, please do let her catch you. It'd be so entertaining. _

Guh, you suck!

_And you, I believe, swallow._

...Eeeeeeewww!


	9. The Rooftops

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. BUT I OWN TRIGUN! -twitch-

9. The Rooftops

Down the stairs he flew, feet barely making a sound as he swung around corners and ducked behind doors! Past the nurses' station he ran, throwing himself out of sight before anyone could catch a glimpse! Down another staircase, around a line of wheelchairs, rapidly creeping by the front desk and into the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment when someone would cause the automatic doors to open, aaand… YES! He made it out with no trouble at all, and the stealthy ninja has completed yet another mission!

_You snuck out of a hospital at two o'clock in the morning and every hall you ran into was empty, dobe. It's a shame it was so easy for you, I would have loved to see Nurse Butcher Than Thou get a whack at you._

Hey, shut up asshole. I made it out because of my highly developed shinobi skills!

_Oh, of course, how could I have doubted you? It must have taken you years to develop the skill of **standing out in the**_ _**open** after an 'escape' as dangerous as yours._

Oh… right. I'll just be going off then. TO THE ROOFTOPS!

_Your enthusiasm is infectious. I may actually die from it. _

I wouldn't complain if you di—hey!

_Hn?_

No one stopped me!

…_You're absolutely brilliant. It only took you five minutes to completely forget no one had caught you, and then realize it again?_

Yeah, okay, you're sarcastic, haha it's very funny, shut up. What I meant was NO ONE stopped me… not even my ANBU! Is he still around? Or… maybe they finally took him off me?

_Use your senses before asking stupid questions. Your guard is on the roof of the house next to this large one, in the shadows there._

What? But that makes no sense… if he's still here, why didn't he stop me from leaving?

_I don't think he cares what the hell you do, so long as you're not trying to maul anyone. _

Damnit! Ugh, what, is this guy not good enough to go on any other missions! I want him GONE already!

_Hmm… I think he's rather taken a liking to you. Maybe he'll save you when the 'Old Bag' Hokage comes after you with those fists of fury once she finds out you took off._

Eh… nn…

_Didn't think about that one, did you?_

I d-don't think… I should go home… j-just yet.

_Very wise of you. A bit late, but wise nonetheless._


	10. At Sasuke's

Disclaimer: Naru not mine. Sasu not mine. All. Not. Mine.

10. At Sasuke's

"If you break anything, I'll strangle you."

"Like you could. Don't worry, I won't break any of your precious crap."

"Hn."

_Heh… I like this Sasuke. _

How could you? He's a stupid, ugly bastard.

_Well he hates you, for one. That is a nice personality trait._

Yeah, so? A lot of people hate me, I don't see you yipping at their heels.

_Aww, so sad. And for future reference, dogs yip, and I'm not yipping. I merely find it interesting that there is one human among you whom isn't constantly running his mouth off and saying idiotic things, dobe._

He never says ANYTHING. He's an antisocial weirdo and thinks he's better than everyone.

_Heh. The human ego is fascinating. I absolutely love the way it deludes you all into thinking you're worth more than what you are. If I were you I wouldn't point fingers, you have an inflated ego as well. _

Do not! I'm VERY modest.

_Big words from someone who considers himself Hokage material. I don't know why you even desire the position, if you haven't noticed the last one wasn't even capable of killing me. _

You're a DEMON. You don't have to train, you're just naturally strong and evil and stupid. But me, I'll be even stronger than you one day! And then I'll find a jutsu to remove you and then you'll be history, you stupid—

"Oi, dobe."

"Grr, STOP USING HIS WORD!"

"…what?"

"Wait.. oh, er… what do you want?"

"I was just going to ask if you plan on staring into space all day, or if you want to set up your bed?"

"Heh, right. Uh, bed's good! I'm exhausted, and my head is killing me."

"I can't believe you were beaten unconscious by _Sakura._"

"Shut up, asshole! She punches hard ever since she started training with the Old Bag!"

"Did she really give you a concussion?"

"Who told you that?"

"Hn, so it's true. Go to bed, dobe."

_He really is intelligent, isn't he?_

You SHUT UP!


	11. Morning Surprises

Disclaimer: Do I seriously need to do this every chapter? I think yu get the idea.

11. Morning Surprises

"N-naruto?"

"Nnn."

"Naruto, wake up!"

"Shufn... mm."

"NOW. Get your face out of the pillow idiot, or you'll drown in blood. It's everywhere. What, did you bang your head open on something again?"

"Fine, shut up, I'm awake... ugh, what are you talking about?"

"Open your eyes and see for yourself, you must have started bleeding very recently. It's still wet."

"What? But… they stitched it, see? There's… there's no blood in my hair."

"Naruto…"

"I know, I know, the damn blood. I don't know where it came from!"

"No, not… your eyes… i-it's all over your face, and hands. What did you do?"

"On my…"

Kyuubi? Kyuubi!

_Hnn, I'm sleeping, be quiet._

Wake up… WAKE UP! KYUUBI! What… what did you do!

…_I wasn't sleeping, and you were. I was bored._

Tell me… tell me what you made me do! W-who did you hurt! Who did you... kill?

_No one, no one. Well… no one important. _

"Sasuke… I'm… I'm going to be sick."

"In the bathroom, idiot!"

"D-don't drag me! I'm... I can't… I..."

"Naruto?"

_Hmm… well it certainly wasn't anything horrible enough to faint over._


End file.
